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Thursday, December 4, 2014

Daily Problem



     "That new Kril from the second Bot come to see you about going back with the casualty Toob again?"  KrutChan asked.
     Shrugging, CheChun spit out the words. “Ah call him Buford.  Forgot his Oval name; that fellow’s still a mite overwhelmed.  He is a malingering fuck and colored yellow.  He’s never been under fire."
     KrutChan nodded.  “He’s yellow ‘cause he’s a North Korean, Ace.”
     “Yeah, that’s what ah said; he’s a gook and you can call me Mac…if ya wanna git along wid me.”
     “Remember what our fearless leader said about getting along with our former enemies?  He’s a Kril not a gook; he’s on our side remember?  Nobody ever got scared in your outfit…Mac?  You can call me KrutChan.  This ain’t the time for a fist-city waltz or pecker-size check between us, okay?”
     “Okay, chaplain…he’s a fucking yellow…Kril…and I ain’t St. Mary, the mother of Jesus.  You’re gonna have problems wid him is all ah’m saying.”
     “Like they say about opinions and assholes…”
     “Let’s knock it off…ah’ll cease fire and we’ll get through this.  We’re fine for now…KrutChan.”
     “He told me he has pains in his chest.”
     “Yeah, and I got a sore elbow.  There's about two hundred Kril here – some are Marines, in this rock-heap-desert wanting to go to the rear.  They're all better than that piece a shit.  Since we left Arna he's been complaining about his goddam chest pains.  If we get lucky he’ll die of a heart attack. That chicken shit is useless right now.  I can send him to you if you want to talk to him.  My old lieutenant wudda talked to him back at the front; only way to keep the Doctor off his officer ass.”
     “Well, I ain’t a fuggin’ officer; I don’t give a shit.  I don’t wanta see him…not hardly   Don't need him right now or his whining.”
     “Listen fellow, don’t pass his problem off on me.  Don’t need that monkey on my back.  Why don’tcha hold his hand?”
     “His pains will pass once we make contact and engage.  North Korean troops are tough.  Anything else you need?”
     “No…just waiting for the word to go from you.  What the hell do you call this if we ain’t in contact and engaging?”  CheChun waved his arms sweeping in the battlefield.  His eyes were wary and judging KrutChan.
     “Are we drawing fire right now?  He’ll straighten out once we are in a fight.  As for me giving the word; it’s not up to me.  That Civil War cavalry man is commanding now.  That guy that lost his horse; the dismounted officer genius.”  KrutChan observed.
      “Toughski shitski his officer ass as the chaplain says.”  He got a wistful look on his face.  “Ah’m not inna hurry.  Dis is a nice place to stay for a while.  Wish ah hadda cup of hot Joe.”
      KrutChan nodded in thought.  “Never liked coffee but if I find any I'll be sure to let you know.  I’m a Pablo Escobar man myself…you know whiskey.”
     “Ah don’t want no moonshine.  I gotta keep muh brains outta my ass.”  He was silent for a moment, and then added as an afterthought indicating the nervousness they all felt.  “Most of our Kril are asking me when do we get relieved from this crap?  They want some fresh Kril-Arnamal guys’ to move through us so we can get relieved and regroup to find out iffn we got more than a handful of guys.”
     “I don’t remember you guys in the Pacific back then asking to be pulled off those beaches you took.”
     “That’s propaganda horseshit.  Most-a-our guys wanted to bug out.  We stayed ‘cause we was ordered ta stay.”
     KrutChan shook his head and smiled.  “But you guys didn’t bail out.”
     Changing the subject, CheChun said.  “Doesn't look like there's nobody on top of that hill.”  He snorted.  “’Course, you don’t ever see ‘um; you jes know they’re dere.”
     “Do I look like an EkSeet?  Ask him, he's the soothsayer or vestal virgin, or whatever.”
     “My mastermind sez we be ’inna a swamp wid gaters snapping at our ass.  EkSeet only spits in my ear when he wants to cram another horseshit rule up my ass.  Hope those bastards don't have artillery concentrations set in up dere.”

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